Disappearing beauty

flowersAfter Heather’s mom died, we had a lovely memorial service. A handful of very kind people gave loads of beautiful flowers. There were so many that her dad couldn’t keep them all in his condo. So we inherited several bouquets. (I took this photo of my favorite arrangement.)

As the days after the service passed, the flowers slowly died. I continually mourned the loss of all that beauty.

Part of my brain lives so much in the present that I feel like the flowers will last forever. The same feelings about those flowers have been true for the apples on our backyard tree. This year, our tree has produced the very best apples yet. And I enjoyed one for lunch almost every day for at least three weeks.

I’m sad.

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4 Replies to “Disappearing beauty”

  1. Hey I’ve been awake since 2:30 a.m. I’m at my mom’s house. She’s received a diagnosis of leukemia and she’s very unwell. All my siblings are around. I had a profound feeling separation from the rest of the world on Thursday, after we talked to her doctor. We knew she was sick, but he gave us a timeframe which made it REAL. Then we had to go to Walmart to get her medicine. So there we were, mom and dad and I, walking past all these normal people buying shirts and Halloween candy and I think i felt we were like hamsters rolling along inside a bubble. Except no one could see us at all.

    I suppose life is like that… it hands use paradigm shifts when we aren’t expecting them and it’s just up to us live all over again, readjusting to life through the new lens. 

    My mom is still alive, but I don’t know for how much longer. I feel like she is here, but her terror is draped on her like a ghostly aura.

    Thanks Paul for sharing and being always real. I am sorry about your mother-in-law. I know how hard it can be.

    1. Thank YOU for sharing, Elizabeth. Difficult stuff you are going through. Sometimes there are no words that I can say to adequately express all my hopes and feelings surrounding these things.

      Just this morning as I was riding my bike to work, I passed a random home and thought, “I have no idea of all the joys and challenges that family is facing.” They could be facing deep cataclysmic events like you or their first child could be learning to talk.

      May God give you grace and peace as you face this. And may your time with your mom and dad be meaningful precious.

  2. Paul, I OFTEN feel that way looking inside other homes! Thanks for saying that. I sometimes feel like our villages have gotten too big… that we have lost sight of what is important– family and community. My niece who is 21 went to Tanzania last year for a semester for university. I asked her what her main takeaway was. She said: They are so happy. They have (according to our ideals) so “little” — they live in mud huts and grow their own sustenance. Yet they are so happy.

    1. Agreed! When we lived in Africa, we came across some of the most content people… goes to show that life is best when it’s about relationships and not things.

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